Thursday, July 01, 2004

Annoying thoughts

We have security doors at work and each employee has the means on his person to unlock and open the doors if we should have access to a particular door. Every day I go through one set of doors that are an external entrance and exit. I have my pass which will technomagically unlock the door for me. Invariably the person ahead of me will run to get in the door behind someone else and then turn to hold the door open for me and they they seem indignant when I don't run to the door as they hold it. Hell, if you want to hold open a door for me, go for it. I'm not so cro-magnon that a woman can't hold open a door for me. I'm not trying to make anyone else late for something. I'm not trying to be lazy or a pain in the ass. I just walk at my pace and I HAPPEN TO HAVE A KEY MECHANISM THAT WILL ALLOW ME TO UNLOCK THE DOOR JUST LIKE YOU DO!!!!

If you want to be polite and hold a door open, then "Thank you." If you want to take my decision to not run to an open door as a personal affront then let the door close. I can open it even though you may be 10 or even 15 feet away from it. Our corporation is cool like that. They gave me the means to pass through that set of doors without anyone else around.

Next thought:
I got up to my desk and got ready to change my voice mail message. You know the ones that are updated daily so you, the disappointed caller who realizes I'm not in can at least tell that I've interacted with my phone system today. "Hello, you've reached Kevin Riggs at . . . ." I suddenly realize that its July 1st. Hmmm I think to myself, the year is passing so fast. When did time start going so fast? My next thought was of my daughter and how she's growing up and how I want her to get to enjoy the freedom of her youth until she has to start attending public school (what a waste). Oh, I want to put her in private school or homeschool her. I'm just concerned about costs and socialization. Anyway, my next thought was deplorable and self-serving. I thought of how I have entered the stage of life where I'm paying all the bills and shouldering the burden and the next "big thing" I can look forward to is either the birth of another child or the passing of someone my age or older. Hmmm, how maudlin?!? So the main event I'm looking forward to is burying one of my parents? What the hell? I mean I like being a moderately stable guy and I like paying my mortgage and looking forward to a time when I can tool around with my wife in middle to older age. I'm not sure where this thought came from but I think I need to work on rewiring my outlook on life. I don't want to run away and join a circus but I need to find some other "big events" to pop into my expected schedule for the next decade or so. If for no other reason than to have something to work towards I need a goal like taking the family to Disney every year or buying a time share on the beach or something. I've achieved so much of what I ever expected yet none of those big impact dreams and I'm satisfied with that. I'm not president and don't expect to be. I'm not an astronaut or a writer. I like to shoot photos but I haven't made much progress towards a 2nd career in photography. I need to have some of those little boy dreams again where you're standing in the back yard looking up at the hoop and in your mind the announcer is calling out your name as you race down the court to put in the final 2 points and win the game. Its a fine line sometimes to harbor dreams and enjoy the small steps you take towards them from time-to-time and then to know when to lay aside aspirations that would cost you more of the staid ol' humdrum life that feels comfortable and easy (although it isn't always easy).

Ah well, I've rambled enough for today.

Thanks for reading,


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