Monday, August 18, 2003


Hmmm. Maybe this is the hallmark of professionalism. Never yield or respond to pressure in any but the most unruffled manner. Always present a calm exterior; exude confidence. Always be in control.

The project I'm working on right now has been ongoing for a couple of months. At first, the goals included getting me more familiar with object oriented programming (that we accomplished) and then introducing me to Microsoft's N-Tier design concepts that they've recently espoused with the advent of .NET and Webservices/Remoting (got that one, too). Finally, the penultimate goal - produce an application. Now that one I'm having trouble with. I spent a good month and a half working through my first object oriented app design and learning how to break my code apart into 6 or 7 different pieces and then make those pieces talk and play nicely across multiple platforms. Now that the rubber meets the road, I'm having difficulty producing a release version of the app. Why? Is it overly difficult? Nope. Are we incorporating technology or methodologies that tax my skills? Nope. Have I been hit with a virus, an ActiveDirectory profile rule and some weird, random video problems as well as an SMS update to my CD burner software? Absolutely. I spent one day recovering from a virus, one day at home with my daughter (no sitters), one day trying to get the SMS'd induced arguments between my video drivers and the video card and my CD burner fixed only to find that somewhere in the mix Visual Studio 2002 (.NET Framework 1.0) had been corrupted. So I stayed late Friday night to finish installing it and I checked it ONE TIME. It ran correctly. I walk back in Monday morning and (A) my computer won't boot while in my docking station and (B) Visual Studio 2002 has again become corrupted. My deadline is Wednesday. I HAVE to get something finished for this project. I'm not sure exactly how to handle this. I'm sure the world will go on if I miss the deadline but this is one of those times that things just run around and around in my head like "Oooh, what if you miss it and get fired?" Or "Wow, won't you feel like such a loser in front of the rest of the team who have let you just play and learn new stuff and now you can't deliver on an easy little crappy program like this. It just hits the database for goodness' sake."

Pressure. So, I stand up; let the pressure drain off me mentally; sit back down and just start working like nothing evil just ran through my mind naked as a jaybird screaming at the top of its lungs, "You're a piece of crap! You can't do this! You never could! Who would trust you!!!???!!!" I just look at those fears running around inside my head and think, "What the hell am I doing looking in my head? People didn't hire me or hang out with me because of these things. They want what I can produce. Not what I'm scared I can't." Then I just start working again.

Here's hoping I get this finished. I know I'll give it a good effort.

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